Say Goodbye to Yesterday
by aalikane
Summary: Kurt's graduation is finally here and as he looks back on his years at McKinley, he can't help but feel that there was one person he should have tried harder with. It's also the one person nobody would have ever expected it to be...


A/N: This came to me after watching a fanvid...and thought it would be a perfect song for Kurt's graduation...and more importantly...Chris Colfer to sing on the show . This is _This Used to Be My Playground_ by Madonna. If you recognize it from a movie...it's probably _A League of Their Own. Read and Review!  
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Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's probably not mine._  
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This was the day that Kurt had been waiting for, for the past four years. Graduation. It had been a hard few years.

_This used to be my playground_

_This used to be my childhood dream…_

In his freshman year he made the first real friend he had since his mother had died 5 years prior. In that year he also made many acquaintances that helped to shape how the rest of his years at school would go. There was Mercedes, his best friend and confident. There was Finn, his step-brother and protector. There was Rachel, his rival and fellow diva. Brittany, his first (and only) girlfriend, a relationship he still values to this day even though its not based on romance, but on the love they have for each other, as friends often do. Then there was everyone else in New Directions…Artie, Tina, Quinn, Puck, Santana, Mike and Matt. They all grew close together, and Kurt appreciated them all Even if Matt left after his freshman year, and Puck would still occasionally shove him into lockers in order to prevent the other jocks in school from truly going to town on him).

_This used to be the place I ran to_

_Whenever I was in need…of a friend._

Kurt walked into the empty choir room and saw the black music stands crowded up in the corner of the large room, while all the chairs had been stacked up in the back. It was desolate, no one had been in here since they had their going away party four days ago.

_Why did it have to end?_

_And why do they always say? _

_Don't look back._

Looking back on all the fun times he had in this room made him choke up for a moment. It was so surreal. Most of the time he hated McKinley. Hated all the bullies and jocks who picked on him, Karofsky being one of them. Kurt's sophomore year sucked most because he was forced to leave the safe haven that was the Glee Club Choir Room for another school completely. Granted it was for the zero-tolerance, Dalton Academy for Boys, but at the same time it still hurt Kurt knowing that while he was in _uptight uniform world_, his New Directions friends were continuing to sing and dance and generally enjoy the feeling of unity that came from being a part of their closed knit little group.

_Keep your head held high_

_Don't ask them why, because…_

_Life is short_

He slowly turned around and left the choir room through the opposite door that he entered, symbolizing his arrival and departure from the Glee club. He walked down the hall in his hideously red and white polyester cap and gown and stopped at his locker he had sophomore year. The one that had a picture of Blaine hanging in it like a prize, and where Karofsky would always shove him into.

_and before you know_

_You're feeling old and your_

_Heart is breaking…_

As Kurt walked into the locker rooms that were close by, he had a sudden flashback to when Karofsky first made his feelings about Kurt known, and how Kurt had reacted. _"You're nothing but a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are." _He had never told a single person about what happened in the locker room that fateful day. Well besides Blaine anyway. Blaine had known from the day it happened, and neither of them had ever thought about revealing it. As much as Kurt wished he wasn't moral enough to try and force Karofsky to stop attacking him, he knew that he couldn't force anyone out of the closet. He wouldn't have wanted it to happen to him, and there's no way he'd do it to someone else.

_Don't hold on to the past_

_Well that's too much to ask_

He wiped the tears that fell from his eyes as he passed through the bathrooms and into the gymnasium where the rest of his graduating class was waiting for the procession onto the football field to start. He saw Mercedes and Rachel quietly talking in the corner of the gym and walked up behind them. They saw his face.

"Kurt have you been crying?" Mercedes asked, and after a second or two he nodded.

"Just getting a little nostalgic is all. I just stopped by the empty choir room." He lied to them. Well it's not a complete lie, he did stop by the choir room, but that wasn't why he was crying.

_This used to be my playground_

_This used to be my childhood dream_

"I know just what you mean. I looked in there earlier and it was horrible. So cold and dank." Mercedes grieved with him.

"I sure hope the new recruits next year can live up to the legacy we've set them." Rachel enthused. "Because otherwise… glee club is just going to fall back down the social ladder…and end up right where we started." And neither Mercedes or Kurt could find a way to refute that.

_This used to be the place I ran to_

_Whenever I was in need of a friend_

"Tell me about it." Kurt smiled. "We won Nationals only three years after we formed. Somehow I don't think they're going to find the talent we had that year…or this year as a matter of fact." He said, thinking about how the past two years had erupted in a fit of fiery volcanic ash. It was amazing really. In their junior year, they had a total of 15 people to perform, instead of their usual 12. Blaine, Sam and Lauren had all joined the Glee club sometime between Kurt's freshman year and his junior year, allowing for a much larger variety in their song selection. Blaine's time as lead soloist for the Warblers really helped them when they went up against the Warbler's at Sectionals that year as well since they didn't have anyone quite as strong as he had been. Sam and Lauren were perfect fits into the group and the group just soared. In a school of only 150 student, it was really not a good idea, to single out 10% of the population, and suddenly like that…Glee club started rising out of the dirt, and into the rafters.

_Why did it have to end?_

_And why do they always say?_

_No regrets_

But that year, Santana, Quinn, Finn, Puck, Blaine and Matt all graduated, leaving the New Directions with only 10 members, and they had to recruit fast. That's when they found four incredibly talented and excitable freshman, Christy, Jake, Ellie and Mark who were only too eager to continue the New Directions reputation for being the best in the country.

As Glee Club's status began to rise within the school and they were finally able to help themselves from getting slushied every day, there was one person Kurt wanted to help more than anything. But he would never accept help, especially from Kurt.

_But I wish that you_

_Were here with me_

Karofsky.

Kurt knew he had been struggling throughout much of the past two years. Ever since he had kissed him in the locker rooms, Karofsky slowly began to lose control of his life, and Kurt knew that he and Blaine were the only people who could truly help him. But Karofsky didn't want their help. He wouldn't even consider it.

Even after all the times that they confronted him, and tried to get him to come to terms with what was going on in his head…he wouldn't listen.

_Well then_

_There's hope yet_

_I can see your face_

_In our secret place_

Figgins had begun speaking to the assembled body, trying to get them all to line up in alphabetical order. As Kurt got into place, he looked behind him to see Mercedes smiling and getting very excited about what was about to happen. But what he was looking at most, was who was supposed to be behind her in line. However, was never going to make it to his own graduation.

They began walking out onto the football field, where he saw all of the old New Directions students, fresh off the college high sitting in the stands. He saw his parents, Blaine and Finn in the family section, that was blocked off, 4 tickets per graduating person. As he sat down at his assigned, chair he saw up on the stage, a picture of the same boy who would not be graduating this year like he was supposed to.

_You're not just a memory_

_Say goodbye to yesterday_

_Those are words I'll never say_

Kurt looks back on the day that he had found out about what happened to Karofsky. He and Blaine cried for the lost boy for a full hour, before running out of tears. They never wanted that to happen. They never wanted Karofsky to kill himself. They never wanted to read the note he wrote to them, before he pulled the trigger. But neither one of them would ever forget what it said.

**Dear Kurt and Blaine,**

**I know you'll never understand why I've done what I've done. I don't think I could explain it in a letter, but I also know that I couldn't explain it face to face either. I am not as brave as either of you are. I am not as confident or self assured. I appreciate all you tried to do for me, but in the end, I couldn't handle the pressure. **

**I was never the brightest bulb in the pack. I always got C's and B's. I never had anything of value in my life that I could look fondly back on. Which is why it's come to this. I couldn't handle it. The only thing I ever had going for me, was that I was relatively normal. Then Kurt came along, and made me question every belief I ever had. It was too much. **

**I hurt the two of you so badly. I realize that now, and regret it. I wish I could make it up to you, but nothing I can do can truly make up for all the mean and nasty things I did to you. I'm sorry, and hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. **

**David**

_This used to be my playground_

_This used to be our pride and joy_

_This used to be the place we ran to…_

Kurt will never truly get over the horror that was High School. There's never a way to get over it, just passed it. But he wishes that there was a way for him to get over the guilt he has for not pushing to help Karofsky more, pushing through the walls that were set up to block out intruders. If Kurt had pushed a little further…. Maybe Karofsky would be here at graduation right now. Maybe he'd be getting his diploma just seconds after Kurt. Maybe, just maybe…they'd be friends.

_The best things in life are always…free_

_Wishing you were here…with me._


End file.
